WHY hello hello. It has been a while since my last post. Well the time where i talked about something rather than upload a photo of my friend and some lyrics I found. So my life since then has been on a familiar roller coaster of heart ache and pain featuring a lot of alcohol and a substance people call weed. Also cigarettes! I took up smoking holy fuck a lot has happed. Just letting you guys know that it was my last cigarette yesterday and it was at the first place i ever had a cigarette and i said to myself “It started here, It shall end here” so hopefully I give up 🙂 So what has also happened in the past few months….. I had a very brief relationship with a girl,keeping in contact with all my friends, finished halo reach, and probably 5 billion others things.

So im 19 now! from two days ago! which means i have only one year left to be awesome and cool until i have to actually HAVE to take my life more seriously! Oh I would tell you what I did get for my birthday though a bottle of Jim beam from my brother(left over from his birthday because he hates Jim beam) and a little device thing in a leather case from a friends dad, its sorta like a pocket knife. Thats it.  but at least I didn’t get dumped! which is always a bonus I guess. I just feel like shit because it feels like no one really cared about me. I can point my finger and tell people what they didn’t do good enough and everything but it all comes down to me. I should of planned it out better. Anyways something came up,someone is trying to subliminal message me so I pretty much subliminal messaged them back to go fuck themselves. which I wouldn’t even say and i feel quite bad. I had to do it just to MAKE them leave me alone. anyway im off take care

Lovers Turn Into Monsters

October 5, 2010

Lovers turn into monsters at the loss of all affection
Almost like it was the affection that kept them from being monsters
And I could have used some warning
I was on that porch all morning
Smoking cigarettes and sinking deeper into doubt

Could it be I am mistaken, have I stolen somebody’s baby?
Is it possible for two people to need the same thing?

It’s just the lines, they get so blurry
Between what is once, and now required
And I don’t know on which side his heart falls
But I know where mine is buried
And it’s so far from any wanting
Yeah, it needs this to keep beating
It won’t go on without it

If I’m still weighed down with subtleties
Then I’ll just come right out and say
That I think that I deserve her
More than anyone deserves anything
Maybe I am selfish, but there is no way to share this
There’s not enough to go around, I don’t care who else gets hurt

But I’m still sick with empathy because I once stood in his place
I spent a year quietly dying while he let go and ignored her
And I’m sure that there are reasons for everything that happens
And absence leads to adoration, yeah it’s nobody’s fault

But now there is no way to change this
Time has photographed and framed it
And it’s hanging in a hallway
That we have no right to walk back down

But I hope that he feels better but I’m sick of all the drama
I can’t stand to see her crying, I just want this shit to end
And I want a place to hang out where record players play out
And there’s a thousand movies rented for a thousand nights with her