Desire can never be Satisfied

June 3, 2010

One day

Funny that. Things in my life got fantastic, like amazingly good. However my old depressive symptoms came back to haunt me,begging the question,was I even happy at all? I found it painfully hard to sleep in the last week,I lost my apatite for reasons unknown. So I purposely made everything bad, and what do you know, I’m fucking hungry. I also noticed that I didn’t dream as much when I was “happy”. I’m guessing these are my symptoms I get when my feelings change dramatically. I think im gonna called it my “what the fuck” mode.

I been reading a lot about love and heart-break. It’s really all just chemicals in the brain. I found it fascinating that the same chemical that gets you addicted to drugs is the same one that makes you fall in “love”. Cool huh. I find it hilarious, I went over this girls house and had a wonderful time. The way I felt with her was simply amazing. I’m guessing a shit load of that addictive chemical got released. However I spent too much time analyzing the situation and observing my feelings that I think she started to feel different about me. It really was like being addictive to weed or something. I wanted some and I knew where to get it. The thought of falling made me upset/not angry. I decided to test this chemical. I also read that this certain chemical gets realised when you do feel good things. Its realised to tell you that “this feels good” like for the psycho maniac killing someone would release this chemical also know as dopamine. It’s really not just this chemical that causes all the trouble it’s what it mixes with. Anyway I really wanted to talk to this girl because i just wanted t be with her so fucking bad. However I got my dopamine from something else thinking it will cure this “urge”. It tottaly worked.

“If I can’t control my feelings the only conclusion is to manipulate them” –Kyle Massey

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