I have really been thinking lately about something I learnt in class, also on miss Abby Hayes word press. I don’t know what it’s really called but im going to find out. All I know it was created by a man named rene (something that starts with the letter D). Solipsism it has been named (took me like 6 mins to find it) Solipsism is a philosophy or it could be a theory. It’s the belief that only your mind/thought are the only things that truly exists. Kind of hard to get your head around? well okay im a break it down for ya,Dont make me break it down for nothing. So you have 5 senses touch,smell,hearing,taste and vision. All 5 senses are used to discover facts. If we touch fire we know its hot. If we see some one touch fire and gets hurt we know not to touch it. The thing is the 5 senses can be fooled. Someone can create a fake looking fire or some one could act like it hurt. People can tell you lies,tell you the fire does not hurt at all. Rene last name that starts with the letter D decided to take this a step further. What if all actual sense was lieing to us. He eventually came to a conclusion that THOUGHT was the only possible thing that can’t be fooled “thought, therefore I am“. I thought about it a lot it starts to make sence. Everything as we know it could just be my imagination.Like a dream. If you think about it, this world is fixed. OMG MENTAL BLOCK.

(1hr later)I hope you understand what I mean about this world is fixed. To explain it better,if you never existed what do you think the world would be like? If you take just one person out the world would be different. Think of it as every is given a number,The number represents what age they die at. If some how we added up all the numbers and just take one persons given number, the total amount would be differnt.I’m just saying one does person have an impact to this world. So the only real things we have control over is what number we can have,and also that of what others can have. IF YOU GET WHAT IM SAYING. With this information you’re the only person that can change peoples numbers and your own numbers.The only person that can change the world is you. see how I mean its fixed?So whats solipsism got to do with the world being fixed? Well boys and girls you’re the only one in control, your thoughts,your mind are the only known thoughts.Their is no FACT that other people can control themself like you do. If everything is fixed and you’re the only one that can change things, It is possible that solipsism is real……sort of,I have decided im pretty bad at explaining things about philosophy,so don’t expect anymore blogs about this.

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Fading Away

April 25, 2010

It’s now monday,1:10AM I just got home from a random maccas run.I havent had maccas in a long time,I can’t even remember how long ago since I eatan maccas. To be honest I’m actually starting to forget stuff. I’m constantly asking people on my msn who they are.I actually forgot what side of the wall the toilet light was on.I found myself very intoxicated on friday night,To a point where I can’t even remember a whole hour and a half of my night. Some times I just can’t handle my alcohol. That was the first time I have actually gotten that drunk and didnt do it on purpose. I had a very “emotional” confession to some of my close friends.I also said I was lucifer at one stage,APPARENTLY!.

Fight For What you Believe in.

On saturday night I could be located at a very soicalisable party however not extremely socialbe.I like meeting new people however I don’t like it as much when im drunk.It certenly makes it less awkward and weird but it’s just not as fun I guess. I’m getting less and less self conscious about myself,which is great. I want to make heaps of friends,so every time I go out their will be a %100 chance i will meet some one a know.Hear them say “HEY KYLE”. Today i woke up at like 5:32PM and for some reason i had the urge to try on my Rock Lee costume(for those of you that don’t know who rock lee is your simply missing out on life)((my idol))AND I still fit into my costume.I would of got it about two years ago,and it was really tight when i first got it because I didn’t give them the right measurements. How was I spoze to know the length between the shoulders is different on your back then your chest? I actully wore it to maccas lol. I got yelled at by two cars. Oh you guys gotta hear about my ridiculous love life.

I think I’m cursed.No joke. Every single time I find a girl,and know that we will go on a date or something without fail another girl comes along. Like I have no opportunities at all then in the time span of two days I have like three. It’s not the first time too. One time I had  6 girls. no joke. I just find it completely stupid how I put myself in these situations. So I fixed up centerlink hopefully I get paid,then I will find a job(Y) I’m working on my friendships at the moment,Their is only one friend I have to see,MR Trieu. He lives the closest to me,and I hardly ever get to see him. I have given up one special friendship,I really wish things could be different but it’s just growing up. Fixing my life, one problem at a time.

“Are we Human or are we Dancers?”

I forgot to mention in one of my blogs,The one where I talked about dreaming. Sometimes when I dream,in the same place as a previous dream months or years before. I have no idea how I can remember but I’m 100.29% sure some of my dreams are in the same setting.Its pretty funny because I’m literally in my dream going “I have been here before”.I’m not normally doing the same things though.

I’m having trouble moving in any direction with my life (besides down). I don’t feel like going forward,But I don’t want to go backwards.I’m just sick of fighting for everything, I really just want to sleep forever:)I’m trying to just move forward in a more constructive mannor.For some reason I just stay put.Maybe I’m just lazy,most of my problems are so simple to solve. Just a little bit of effort. Today I spent most of my day sleeping,playing cod and I watched “the waterboy”. OH gotta go to the dentist tomorrow,oh how I fucking dread that evil Dentist(like most sane people). I still close my eyes when they put needles and shit in my mouth. I can’t believe how tolerant they are; always saying “wider” or ” open your mouth back up”.I mean really,I hate constantly telling people stuff. Telling them “Don’t touch my electric rhino” and then they touch it 10 seconds later.I been looking for new music on youtube.How I did it was picking my favour genre and typing it in and then i would pick a number and go to that page number and look for something interesting on that page.I FOUND THIS

Don’t you hate it when you can’t tell the difference between a nightmare and a dream? I have been sleeping a lot. More than the usual,but its been really crazy.I have so many dreams.It’s really weird, I go back to sleep after I wake up in the middle of the night, I have a dream like straight away when I fall asleep. I wonder what dreams are, is there a some super special way to interpret them? what could they possibly mean? I find it pretty interesting that humans can actually have a orgasm while sleeping. “wet dreams” I havent had one of those in a long time lol. I do wake up with my pillow a bit damp,and my eyes feel like they been crying. I know people who scream in their sleep.

Mr Grim

Anyway about my DAY.There where a lot of grumpy people today. First of my brother wouldn’t drive me to the bus stop because he was grumpy(maybe cause I woke him up). The bus driver was also uber grumpy this morning,our class was dull. A guy died in our class on the holidays “Leigh Sargent”.Car crash. It’s pretty devastating when someone dies. Their gone.Forever.They will never come back to smile,laugh or anything. I’m trying to see most of my friends.It would hurt more than anything if one of my close friend died or something. I guess the more friends you make,the more death your going to hear about. I have been making a lot of friends lately. I’m finally getting my life back on track. YAY. Things are going pretty well for me,and there only going to get better, I hope. I have uni tomorrow,I’m not so thrilled to go.I also been trying to gain weight.I can’t even eat three meals a day. One meal can keep me going for a day,THATS BAD.It’s so hard to get hungry.Force feeding myself is so boring,I don’t know how fat people do it.

I have been using my slingshot ALOT.

listening to bright eyes ALOT.

working out ALOT.

sleeping ALOT.

Thinking ALOT.

I have also been doing stuff I shouldent.Not doing anything I should.

I can’t win.

 

I dreamt of a fever,
one that would cure me of this cold winter set heart,
with heat to melt these frozen tears, and burned with reasons
as to carry on.
Into these twisted months I plunge without a light to follow
but I swear that I would follow anything,
just get me out of here.
And you get six months to adapt,
and you get two more to leave town.
and in the event that you do adapt, we still might not want you around.
But I fell for the promise of a life with a purpose,
but I know that that’s impossible now.
And so I drink to stay warm,
and to kill selected memories,
cause I just can’t think anymore about that or about her tonight.
and I give myself three days to feel better,
or else I swear I’ll drive right off a fucking cliff,
cause if I can’t learn to make myself feel better,
how can I expect anyone else to give a shit?
and I scream for the sunlight or car to take me anywhere,
just get me past this dead and eternal snow,
cause I swear that I’m dying, slowly but its happening,
and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere,
just take me there,
just take me there,
just take me there,
and say and lie to me and say,
and lie to me and say,
it’s gonna be alright,
it’s gonna be alright,
Yeah, you worry too much kid,
it’s gonna be alright.

Everything is gonna be alright.

OH GOD

April 16, 2010

I got a hair cut a few days ago. I really dislike getting my hair cut,because I know that I will hate it. I became a bit better at showing the hair dresser that I actually fucking love my stupid shit hair cut. It’s ridiculous how they can say exactly what you want,and give you exactly what you don’t want.So anyway I guess im lucky, I have this skill to make the best of things. This gives me the ability to make my shit hair cut “the shit”.

I went for a run a few days ago aswell, and I just happened to learn a life lesson (Y). It goes something like this “concentrate more on what is closer to you,that way you run into less spider webs” Yeah I took a short cut in the bush,ran into about 7 spider webs,and in each one I ran into I did this crazy cool dance/fit. It sorta looks like a person who has 600 spiders on him or her trying to get them all of in like 3 seconds. I’m so glad no one was watching. So with my life lesson If have decided not to dwell on the future as much as I do.

Same Voodoo

April 3, 2010

Its 5:43 am,I have had maybe a half an hour sleep. All because I been a naughty boy. I have started to indulge myself in cigarettes,which I somewhat like.YES I smoke now,and I want to smoke more.ANYWAY back to why I had so little sleep.My Asthma getting into the colder seasons plays up a lot with the addition of cigarettes probably not the best idea.  I ALWAYS HAVE MY ASTHMA PUFFER WITH ME.I can’t stand not being around it anymore. however once a blue moon the life saving device runs out.Last night happened to run out while i was at Hayden’s house.I really thought i was going to die. Normally you can wait off an asthma attack ,well I can. For 4 hoursIi was just concentrating on one thing “Breathing” But every breath was daunting,I developed some sort of lung pain.The pain grew stronger and so did my idea of death,It’s really that easy to die.It can happen. I woke up Hayden at 4:45 and begged him to drive me the fuck home. I raced into the house after waking up the fam bam and ran for an asthma puffer that works.I have decided to stop smoking,I don’t understand why i started in the first place. I told myself i would never take a cigarette in my life.Hiporcite.

I realised I havent blogged in a while on this account. Oh well im in UNI now,I guess. I like meeting people/making friends it seems to be something I’m good at. HEY today is easter,too bad chocolate gives me pimples! My life is a bit fail at the moment.LIKE everything seems to break,well be braking.my video camera decided to stop working and it must have convinced my computer to do the same as well. Centerlink is still being a jerk head,so im just broke ass all the time. so really my life really sucks however I have such amazing friends it doesn’t really matter. I was thinking if I didn’t have my friends I would probably #1 get some or #2 kill my self because my life defiantly suck balls. I Have decided I don’t really want a relationship untill my resurrection day which is some time next month, my voodoo predicts. It’s a good thought,like some time next month I’m going to be on top of the fucking world,I belive so:).Kites are MAD

You always only looked ahead.
As for me, I looked at you.

I was watching doctor phil the other day.BECAUSE I WAS BORED. it was about cheating on your wife and shit that comes afterwards and working it out blah blah blah.What i noticed was the guy blamed the girl for what he did,saying if you where a better wife I wouldnt cheat on you. which I have to say makes sence.HOWEVER doctor Phil was like “Fuck you” (not really) but he told the wife that there was nothing she could do, He still would have cheated even if she became the best wife she could possibly be.The way docter phil said it was more convincing but the point im trying to make is. People don’t change.No matter how hard i tied in the end I would always take it for granted.As the show went on it became clear.”You can’t change a person” people can only change when they grow and they can only do that by them selves.I guess that’s where the term “Grow up” comes from.